Jude's Birth Story

Jude's Birth Story

**disclaimer, this is a LONG post. I tried to include all the details I could recall so I could have this to refer back to in years to come. I've also added photos, some of which might be considered too much to share, but you can't see anything inappropriate and it is my blog after all & I have the freedom to decide what I feel is appropriate to share.** 

I've sat down several times to write out Jude's birth story but have found it difficult to think of the right words to begin to tell the story of the day that brought my son into the world. I have so many mixed emotions about that day. It was such a beautiful start to my sons life, but the panic and urgency that came moments before my sons first breath still haunt me to this day.

During my pregnancy I knew that my ideal "birth plan" would consist of only one thing, an epidural. (Although I did have a few weeks in the beginning when I was sure I wanted a natural birth... but that quickly changed) I told myself that if I kept my list of expectations short, then I was sure not to be disappointed by the events of the day. I knew I wanted my husband and mom in the room for support and my sister there to take pictures. I also knew that I wanted my son placed on my chest right after he was born and I wanted to try and nurse him as soon as possible to build a good base for a successful breast feeding relationship.

Now lets backtrack a little bit and let me give you a little back story. I wound up in Labor & Delivery Triage 3 times before the real deal. I was told to use the 5-1-1 rule when determining when to go to the hospital, contractions every 5 minutes, lasting for 1 minute, for longer than 1 hour, then go to the hospital. Well that happened to me at 35 weeks, 37 weeks, and 38 weeks. The last time I went to L&D I was having contractions every 3 minutes, each lasting over 1 minute, for over several hours. They had me walk around the hospital to try and progress into full blown labor, but we had no luck. After that final visit I decided it was going to take something really serious to get me to go back to the hospital. I didn't want to go and be sent home disappointed & empty handed, again. I was starting to feel super embarrassed & frustrated with myself.

During the month of April of went to see my OB doctor every Thursday for my weekly checkups.  I was really hopeful that I would see change from my 1 centimeter dilated and 80% effaced of the previous weeks appointment. I tried drinking Raspberry leaf tea each night, took evening primrose oil, did a TON of walking, I took castor oil, tried relaxation exercises, and all the other tricks in the book to try and induce labor. I was CERTAIN this weeks appointment would prove that all my hard work was helping and I would be dilated more. I was also leaking slightly and was hopeful that my water had broken (oh boy I feel silly writing this now that I know what it really feels like when your water is broken).

Thursday, April 26th Jeff, Mom, & I went to what I hoped would be my last OB check up. I was eager to have my doctor check me to see if my water had indeed broken. As my doctor was about the check me there was a knock on the door and she had to leave my appointment to rush to a delivery. As she apologized I remember thinking how happy I was to see her urgency, because in the event that I went into labor quickly, I could rest assured that my doctor would do the same for me. (foreshadowing....)

I wound up finishing the rest of my appointment with Dr. Hahn instead of my doctor and to my disappointment I was still only dilated to 1 centimeter and STILL only 80% effaced. She also said that my water wasn't broken, I would know if it were because if I coughed I would feel a sudden gush of water. I left that appointment feeling so heartbroken. I was really sure I would have progressed further and I would be closer to meeting my son.

Mom and Jeff tried to cheer me up by suggesting we go to Ikea to walk around and buy some last minute items for the nursery. Looking back on that night, I feel terrible. I was a HUGE bitch grump! I was walking ahead of Jeff & Mom and snapped at them when they were talking about kitchen cabinets, "we came for frames, a bookshelf and a rug, NOT kitchen cabinets". While walking around I started to have mild contractions and was super tired so I sat down on a display of rugs. The nurse that taught our prenatal class walked by me while doing some shopping. She was also the nurse that saw me in triage earlier that week when I thought I was in labor. She was so sweet and said she hoped I would go into labor soon! After Ikea we went out for Mongolian BBQ and when we got home Jeff & I sat in the nursery while he built the bookshelf and decorated it with all of Jude's toys and books. I was having a few contractions but ignored them for fear of getting my hopes up over nothing. Jeff & I talked about how crazy it is when the reality hits you that you're an adult, and you're married, and about to have a baby and how exciting and shocking it is when it just "hits" you. Looking back, that was such a sweet moment. Talking about how our lives were going to be changing soon and not realizing that soon was much sooner than we thought. We ended up going to bed around midnight. I woke up at 2 a.m. with a few pretty painful contractions but decided to ignore them and not wake Jeff. I was sure it was just another false alarm and I didn't want to embarrass myself again.

Then, something amazing happened!!! At 4:40 in the morning on April 27th I felt a POP. I wasn't sure what it was but thought it could possibly be my water. I gave a fake cough and then felt a gush of water. Overcome with excitement I gently tapped Jeff on the shoulder and whispered "babe, I think my water just broke" I was thinking he would respond with some half awake, groggy mumble, but to my surprise he sprung out of bed and excitedly said "HOKAY!! I've got to get some clothes out of the dryer, I have to grab a few things, do you think I have time to shower?" and then right before he walked out of the bedroom turned back around to say "I love you so much" I got out of bed and waddled to the bathroom, leaving behind a trail of fluid.

As Jeff hopped in the shower ( I was so glad I had showered the night before) I grabbed my makeup and put it on while sitting on the toilet. I even took the time to put on fake eyelashes. (my friends teased me about this). It may sound silly to some of you, but I wanted to look my best when I met my son & I didn't want to regret not taking the time to freshen up when looking back on pictures of the day. I vividly remember sitting on the toilet and waiting for the leaking to stop. haha. Little did I know it would continue to leak non stop all day.

As I was putting on my makeup I noticed that my contractions were really starting to pick up so I decided to use the contraction app I had downloaded and started to time them. They were coming every 2-3 minutes and were lasting an average of a minute and a half. They were continuing to get more and more painful and I would have to pause the makeup application to breathe through them. I was so impressed that the breathing exercises I learned in our childbirth class were really helping me to get through the pain. I had always thought it was kind of a silly concept to "just breath" but surprisingly it was SUPER helpful to just focus on breathing and counting instead of the pain. Jeff asked if I could tell the difference between these contractions and the Braxton Hicks contractions that sent me running to L&D in the previous weeks. I laughed so hard and told him that I could really tell the difference. Although I could still talk through the contractions, I didn't want to & I didn't want anyone else talking. Talking was distracting and I quickly realized that if I just focused on breathing I could get through the pain of each contraction. The other main difference was that with BH I would feel tightening and then pain and then the pain would stop, with these contractions I would feel slight pain, then as the pain increased my belly would tighten and I could feel the pain slowly disappear and then this immediate relief and euphoria as soon as the contraction ended. It was like a wave.

I called my mom and told her it was time and she screamed into the phone with excitement and said she was going to shower and to call her once I was in a labor room and she would head down to the hospital to meet us. (she lives only minutes away) I then called my sister and left her a voice mail telling her to wake up and get ready and head to the hospital. At this point Jeff was out of the shower and I was all made up and still waiting for the leaking to stop. Jeff suggested we just head to the hospital because it had been almost an hour at this point and my contractions were really starting to progress. (Plus my Strep B test came back positive and my doctor had advised me to go right to the hospital if my water broke so they could start giving me medication. It has to be in your system for 4 hours before you can deliver.) We grabbed the camera and hospital bag and puppy pads and headed to the car. Our childbirth class instructor suggested we buy puppy pads to use for the car ride to the hospital if your water breaks and we were soooo glad we had gone ahead and taken her advice. In the car ride to the hospital I called my Dad and Step mom and Jeff called his parents to tell them all the exciting news.

During the car ride I didn't want Jeff to talk to me during my contractions, but the minute they were over I was back to my giddy self. The car ride to the hospital was only about 10 minutes but it seemed much longer with every bump and dip of the road. I remember telling Jeff to try and avoid bumps and he even switched lanes to try and see if that lane was smoother. haha He's so thoughtful! I have a little film of us on our way to the hospital all giddy and excited to meet our son. I'll try to post that on here.

Once we got to the hospital, Jeff grabbed me a wheelchair and wheeled me to the check in desk. I was SOOOOO glad I had already been there a few times with false alarms because all of the necessary paperwork was already filled out. I was quickly sent to a private triage room where a nurse was waiting for me with the monitors ready. By the time I got into the hospital gown and into the bed my contractions were VERY painful. I could barely answer the nurses questions and would have to pause during each contraction to focus and breathe. Immediately afterwards I would feel such relief and apologize for making her wait for my answer to the questions. She verified that my water had indeed broken and laughed about how much water I had lost already in my few minutes in triage. At around 6:00 a.m. the nurse checked me and I was at 3 centimeters and 100% effaced. I was THRILLED!!! After she checked me she said "he's got a ton of hair" and I was so excited to hear that.

My contractions continued to come every 2 minutes and the nurse said she was really impressed at the way my body was progressing and how great I was at breathing through the contractions. Since I was positive for my strep B, they had to give me a bag of penicillin and a bag of fluids before I could get my eagerly awaited epidural. Shortly after, a wheelchair arrived to bring me to my labor & delivery room, the patient transporter said she was going to go as fast as she could to get me to my room so I could get my epidural. My mom was already there at this point but only one guest is allowed in the triage room so I was glad to see her during our trip to the labor & delivery room. Once I got to the room I met my nurse Mandy and her trainee Ruth. My contractions were really strong at this point and I was so irritated at how happy and peppy she was and wished she wouldn't be so happy and wished she would stop talking while I was contracting. (After my epidural I LOVED her and felt bad that I was annoyed with her earlier).

Within an hour the nurses checked me and I was at 4 centimeters (progress!!!) and both the penicillin and fluid were finished and the anesthesiologist came in to give me my epidural. He was all bright eyed and bushy tailed and commented about how I was his first patient of the day. I was soooo nervous about the epidural and tried really hard to sit still during the procedure. The first epidural didn't take and he had to try again a second time at a different angle. The lidocane shot hurt, but not nearly as much as my IV, and the rest of the epidural was easy. I was so nervous about the epidural, but I was so relieved to discover that it wasn't nearly as scary as I had made it out to be. (11 days after delivering Jude I would be back in L&D for a blood patch to repair the damage from the first epidural, but that's a story for another day). My nurse Mandy showed Ruth how to put in a catheter to drain my urine and they took it out immediately after. I didn't feel a thing.

Approximately 10 minutes after the epidural I became a whole new girl! I could still tell when I was having a contraction because my body would tense up and I could feel slight pressure, but there was no pain! My legs became warm and tingly (similar to how your lip feels after the dentist when it is slowly becoming less numb) and the pain from the contractions was gone, completely gone! I was back to my normal giddy self and started to really appreciate my nurse and her assistant. At this point my sister arrived, she brought her boyfriend Kenny (which was a bit odd), but he was very respectful and thankfully he didn't stay too long. Jeff tried talking to him and answering his 100's of questions (he's a very curious guy) in order to keep him from bothering me, but I was relieved when he left a little while later so that I could have all of Jeff's attention back on me. We all started taking bets on when Jude would be here, the nurse said possibly Jude would be here before 4:00 p.m. (if I continued to dilate a cm and hour and push the average of 2 hours for a first time mom) and we were all super excited because we were expecting to be there for forever!

Big 'ol Belly

My sweet nurse Mandy

My sister fed me Jell-O and my mom rubbed my feet and I remember thinking I wished I had brought my kindle so I could read while we waited for Jude. My Dad and Step Mom Jean came by and we all sat around and said what we were thinking about and how excited we were for Jude to be here. I even took a picture of them all sitting around waiting for Jude. My nurse came in at around 10:00 am and I was dilated to 6!! I was starting to feel the pain of the contractions so my nurse pushed a little button on the wall that up's the dose of my epidural. After two attempts & no relief, she called the Anesthesiologist to come in and up the dose higher to try and relieve some of the pain. When he came in he put a shot in my epidural and I felt my legs go completely numb... they were dead weight and I couldn't pick them up like I could with the first one. I could still feel the pressure of the contractions but I couldn't feel my legs at all.

With my Dad & Step-mom Jean

My parents with Jeff & my sister.

The proud grandpa "Pop"

I continued to visit and laugh with family, when all of a sudden, I felt this intense pain that knocked the wind out of me. (It was around noon) I instantly started crying and couldn't stop myself. I was so frustrated because prior to the epidural I was able to stay calm and breathe through the contractions and work through the pain. This pain was so much stronger than before and after being soo relaxed for several hours, I couldn't get control over the pain enough to breathe through it. I started shaking uncontrollably, my lips were trembling and I felt nauseous like I was going to throw up. I told my mom to grab my nurse and ask her to check me again because something was wrong. I was in way too much pain. She came in and said she would be back in 30 mins to do my next check. At that point I had a contraction that lasted FOUR straight minutes!!! It was the most intense and painful contraction of the whole day! The nurse came running back in the room and said, "Oh my goodness did you see that?" I told her I felt the whole thing, not just pressure but intense pain, too. She decided to just go ahead and check me and announced that I was already dilated to 9 cm. We were all so excited and shocked at how fast my body was progressing. I had continued to contract non-stop every two hours without any form of inductions and my body was dilating at rapid speed on its own. The nurses said they were so proud of me and how my body was handling labor and that I should have a ton of babies. Everyone joked that with my next pregnancy I would have to rush to the hospital or I would end up having my baby in the car.

An hour and several very painful contractions later, my nurse came in to have me try some practice pushes but said she needed to give me a catheter again to relieve my bladder. I felt the entire thing! It was sooo incredibly painful and the nurse trainee Ruth was struggling to get it in because Jude's head was so low. I started to cry so my nurse Mandy took over. After a few attempts of her own I begged her to stop and just let me try to practice pushing with a full bladder. At this point she understood that my epidural had in fact worn off again!!

She checked me and said it was time to try and do some practice pushes since I was already at 10 cms. She said it was better to let my contractions continue to bring Jude's head further into the birth canal but that we would try a practice push to get me used to what it felt like. I was soooooooo excited! I knew it would only be a few more hours until I would get to finally hold my son in my arms. It was around 1:00 at this time. My nurse Mandy was so great about teaching me how to push and what to do. After my first practice push she said "ok, wow you're really good at that, let me go call your doctor and tell her its time to head over here."

She left the room and I remember staring at the empty baby crib/scale and thinking in just a short time my son would be in the room. All of a sudden I felt this INTENSE urge to push. I can't think of how to describe it other than it felt like the pressure of having to go poop, but I knew I just had to push. I shouted "I have to push!!" Mandy came running in the room and told me I had to wait, my doctor was only 13 minutes away. I told her I couldn't stop myself.

The next few minutes are all a blur. I remember Mandy & Ruth talking about the monitor & how they couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. They kept saying, "no that's mom, that's not the baby" as they were frantically moving the monitor around on my belly. Mandy looked at me and said "Brianna, I need you to turn onto your side" I told her I couldn't because it hurt to bad and she quickly demanded "ON YOUR SIDE!!!"

It was at that point that she put an oxygen mask on my face and I started to panic. She shouted at Ruth "Call the NICU team and get me some help, grab anyone." I remember looking up and seeing her run out of the room and grab doctor scrubs as a handful of nurses and resident doctors came running into the room. I had one nurse grab one leg and another one on the other side. Mandy firmly but sweetly said, "Brianna, we need to get your baby out now, your doctor is on her way, but we can't wait for her. I need you to push. Just like you did before."

I started to push as she counted to 10, I could feel EVERYTHING! I've heard some women talk about the "ring of fire" and I know exactly what they were referring to, this intense burning and pressure and stretching. I was so focused on getting Jude out that I closed my eyes and breathed and pushed and tuned everything else out. I was just focused on Jude and getting him birthed quickly! I was in the zone and in that moment it was just Jude and I working together to get him into this world safely and quickly. If anyone would talk it threw off my concentration. At one point I snapped at Jeff because he said, "oh my god babe, oh my god. I can see his head" and it made me loose my focus. I could feel Jude slide back up into the birth canal and I was so frustrated because I was working so hard to move him down. I snapped at my mom when she said "I can see his head, his little chin is stuck Bri, keep pushing" At that point I began to panic, I could feel one nurse's hands down below in my nether region pulling and trying to help so that Jude's head (chin) would come unstuck from my pelvic bone. That is a pain I will NEVER forget! I looked up at my nurse and said "Just pull him out, please just help me get him out" I was so scared in that moment, I could feel the tone of the room and the urgency to get him out that I was starting to panic that I wouldn't be able to birth him fast enough. It was at that moment that I felt Jude's head come out, along with a big tear. One more push and the rest of his body was born. After all the pressure of his head the rest of his body felt like a balloon wiggling around when its loosing air. Like a worm or something. There was a HUGE splash of water that got all over my mom (yuck) and the nurse joked that it was called the "baby shower" and that's why L&D nurses wear water proof shoes. My poor momma was a good sport about it.

Jude Michael was born at 1:33 p.m.after just 9 minutes of pushing and 9 hours since my water broke. Weighing 7 pounds and measuring 21 inches long.

I looked down to see Jude's sweet face. He was all blue and wasn't crying. Mandy said she had to hand him to the NICU team and asked if it was okay.She knew my one request was to have him laid one my chest right away but told me they needed to look at him. I reached down to rub his little hand and the moment our hands touched, he cried. At that point I nodded my head & told her yes.Mandy let Jeff cut the umbilical cord really quickly and then handed Jude off to the NICU team. I could see about 5 people surrounding Jude and one of them was patting his back pretty aggressively, I kept telling the nurses surrounding me to please move to the side so that I could see Jude. I even told Jeff that it was okay to leave my side and go to Jude's.

At that point my doctor came running into the room, followed by my mother in law (she saw my doctor in the parking garage and followed her into the hospital, not realizing who she was). My doctor said "wow, he's here already?!" She said it only took her 13 minutes from the time my nurse called her to the time she walked into my room. She was so surprised she had missed the entire thing.

My doctor sat down & began to stitch me up (over 50 stitches inside & outside) but stopped when I pushed her hands away and told her I could feel it. She was shocked that my epidural had worn off and I lifted my legs just to show her. At that point she gave me a shot down below (holy cow that was quite possibly the WORST part of labor) and then let the Resident Doctor who was in the room take over. I told them in the beginning that I didn't mind being a teaching patient, but I regretted that after seeing how I was healing from being stitched up by the Resident instead of my own Doctor. The nurse said when I was panicking & told her to just take Jude out she considered giving me an episiotomy. I soooo wish she would have. I think the healing process would have been much better.  I immediately got up and walked to the bathroom. I had to pee soooo badly since the last catheter didn't work. All of the nurses were surprised to see me up and walking so quickly after giving birth and complimented how great I was at having babies.

Jeff & his mom looking at Jude

Once I was back in bed they handed Jude to me for the first time and that's when it really hit me. I was so worried about him after he was born that I didn't cry or really have any emotions.  As soon as he was in my arms I had this instant release of emotions and didn't ever want to let him go. Even though my dream of having an epidural for the pain and having Jude placed on my chest didn't work out the way I had hoped, I'm so glad I was at the hospital and sooo thankful to have my nurse Mandy who knew exactly what to do in an emergency and how to deliver Jude safely. I would even consider trying a natural birth next time around since I basically delivered Jude naturally once the epidural wore off. Only difference would be staying on top of the pain of the contractions by using the breathing exercises.

When I first looked into Jude's eyes I remember saying "He looks like Jojo" (my great aunt)

Our first photo as a family of three

I love this picture of Jeff & his mom, they are both making the same sweet face

My dad came in the room and got to meet his grandson.

I love this picture of my Dad, Jude & I 

Kisses from Mimi

My mom, Jude, & I

My Step-mom, Jude & I

My Mother-in-law, Jude & I 

Hard to tell in this pic, but Jude had the hairiest back! 

A full head of dark hair!

My brother Matthew came to meet Jude

He was a little nervous to touch him til after he had "his first shower", but I made him feel how soft his little back was

When I showed him off to Jojo I started to cry again, she is who I thought Jude looked the most like at first and although she is technically my great-aunt, she has always been more like a grandma to us.

I eventually shared Jude and they handed him over to Jeff first. Jeff recalls that it totally "hit" him once he held Jude for the first time, too. My Dad & Step Mom came in the room then & Jeff passed Jude around so everyone would get to hold him.

Daddy holding Jude for the first time

Gigi & Jude

Aunt Julianne & Jude

Grandpa Gilbert & Jude

Jeff with his parents and Jude

At this point they wanted me to try and nurse Jude for the first time since he was showing signs of hunger. My Dad & Jean left to give us privacy, but came back the next morning to hold him. At that point we were being transferred out of the Laboring room and into the room we would be staying in for the next 2 days.

Teeny Tiny little baby

Pop holding Jude for the first time

Grammie Jean holding Jude for the first time

Our stay in the hospital was perfect, we limited it to just our parents and siblings and my close friend Libbie to keep the number of visitors at a minimum. Jude slept great and was up every 3 hours to nurse and then right back to sleep. The first night he was sooo alert, my mom was holding him & Jeff was talking to him. Jude recognized Jeff's voice and picked up his head and leaned in really close to Jeff as if he was trying to give him a kiss. I'll never forget Jeff's response when He said to my mom, "Okay, you have to give him to me. I need to hold him after that!" It was so sweet to see them already starting to bond.